Updated on November 1, 2015
The Voice of Truth
Staring at this blank page, it seems impossible to put into words what happened to me that chilly April evening at the soccer field.
I had spent the past 18 months in the turmoil of divorce. As the months dragged on, the demands got more ridiculous. The attorney’s fees mounted and my hope faded. Laws designed to protect women with young children from getting screwed in their divorces were working against me. All those years of working hard to provide for my family seemed a waste. I was a wound up mess of emotion.
I had been seeing a therapist during this time. He helped me put things into perspective. He is the one who said I needed to allow God to love me through others. I heard the Lord saying to me, “When will you let me love you?” Slowly, I began to realize that God was reaching out to me through others. He was using people around me to be there in the thick of my despair and be His love for me in the midst of it.
Despite all of the support and love I felt from my friends and family, I still spent my days and nights in a state of tense awareness that I was damaged beyond repair. Despite others telling me that I am not worthless, I couldn’t seem to accept that I could ever be anything more than a single divorced woman. Damaged. People loved me. Yes. But I was destined to go it alone.
That night at the soccer field, while my daughter was practicing, I was walking around the field at a brisk pace, listening to Casting Crowns on my iPod. A song I have heard a hundred times came on:
But the voice of truth, tells me a different story. The voice of truth, says ‘Do not be afraid.’ The voice of truth says, ‘This is for my glory.’ Out of all the voices calling out to me, I will choose to listen and believe The Voice of Truth!
It’s difficult to describe what happened in my heart and mind when those words pierced the shield I had put around me. Suddenly I felt free! I felt loved. I had finally listened to the voice of truth. I had finally accepted that I am loved and full of worth and a woman who is valued. No longer was I chained by the thought of being “damaged goods.” The voice of truth told me a different story. And I finally listened. While I couldn’t see what lay ahead, I could see myself as God sees me: Whole. Valuable. Worthy. Whatever were to happen, I was free and confident in my Savior’s love for me. That was enough.
There were, and still are many voices calling out to me. There are many days when I choose to listen to the voices that tell me I am a failure. They can drown out the voice of truth that tells me who I really am in Christ.
What voice are you listening to? The one that says you’re washed up, used up, damaged? Or are you willing to hear THE Voice that says, “You’re worth it.” When I’m listening… really, really listening, that’s the voice I hear. When I clear away the distractions and the worry and the clamoring from all the “what if’s” in my life, I hear it. Subtle but distinct. Take a minute and listen. God will always say, “You’re my beloved. I gave my life for you. You. Are. Worth. It.”