On being home…

Two weeks ago, my entire family traveled to Harrisburg, Pennsylvania for my niece’s wedding.  It was the first time our entire family has been together in quite some time.  It felt so good to be together again.  I can’t imagine a better occasion to make it happen!

When I’m away from home – traveling, visiting, sight-seeing, I miss many of the comforts of my home.  I miss my comfy warm bed and my pillows.  I miss going downstairs to a hot pot of coffee first thing when I get up.  I miss having clothes in closets and drawers instead of wrinkled up in a suitcase.   One thing is for sure, it takes being away from home to really appreciate the comforts of home.

Sometimes, I can be physically home and not be “home” at all, because my true home is where the love of God and acceptance that I belong to Him is found.  Home is a place where being imperfect, and making mistakes is okay, even expected.  Home for me, is a feeling of being settled, confident that who I am is enough. Home is freedom from struggling and striving to accomplish more.

I choose to leave home sometimes. I choose to live in the striving for position or acceptance. I lose sight of my true value that can be found in Christ alone. “Leaving home, Henri Nouwen writes, “is living as though I do not yet have a home and must look far and wide to find one.”  He goes on to say that when we are home, “…we can give freely without our identity or worth being determined by someone else’s rejection or affirmation.” (The Return of the Prodigal Son)

Sometimes I struggle to find that place of being settled – of being home. I’ll spend days, or even weeks with anxiety in the pit of my stomach and agitation driving my thoughts and interactions with others.  Why do I choose to live away from my heart’s home? Why does it take me so long to recognize that I have wandered far from home?

For many years, I believed the lie that I was not enough. What I mean by that is this: I was not good enough, perfect enough, loving enough, caring enough, Christian enough, mom enough, skinny enough… well you get the picture.  It took me a long time to come to the place where I could accept that who I am, where I am right now, is enough.  It’s enough for God and it’s enough for me.  And anyone who thinks I’m not enough? Well, that’s their problem.  No, that is not license for me to be mediocre and lack the drive to do better and be a better wife, mom, employee, etc… But this over-achieving perfectionist needed to give herself a break.  Maybe you do too!

Are you “home” today? Does your heart live in the assurance and rest of the home only Christ can give?  If not, take a minute and ask Him to show you the way home.  I promise He will be faithful to bring you back.

 

 

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